Trump Reportedly Wrote a Childish, Gross Letter to Epstein and Now the Whole GOP Is Freaking Out

In the name of God, somebody tell the circus to get out of town. From Politico:

“Based on the ridiculous amount of publicity given to Jeffrey Epstein, I have asked Attorney General Pam Bondi to produce any and all pertinent Grand Jury testimony, subject to Court approval,” Trump said on social media, though it’s unclear that a judge would approve the request. “This SCAM, perpetuated by the Democrats, should end, right now!” That post came less than an hour after the president responded to a report in [The Wall Street Journal] alleging he had sent a racy birthday letter to Epstein. Trump said he had personally warned the Journal’s owner, Rupert Murdoch, and its editor in chief, Emma Tucker, that the letter was “fake” before the report was published, calling the story “false, malicious, and defamatory.”

“A racy birthday letter” is a master class in euphemism. From The Wall Street Journal:

The letter bearing Trump’s name, which was reviewed by the Journal, is bawdy—like others in the album. It contains several lines of typewritten text framed by the outline of a naked woman, which appears to be hand-drawn with a heavy marker. A pair of small arcs denotes the woman’s breasts, and the future president’s signature is a squiggly “Donald” below her waist, mimicking pubic hair. The letter concludes: “Happy Birthday—and may every day be another wonderful secret.”

Everybody and his press secretary in the White House leaped to deny the story. Vice President JD Vance asked us on X to “forgive my language” before calling the story “utter bullshit.” (Lord above, what a sanctimonious putz the man is.) The president announced that he would be suing WSJ, citing his “victories” over ABC and CBS, both of which rolled over to his blackmail for various reasons. (CBS seems to have made it a habit. The network announced on Thursday that Stephen Colbert’s show would be canceled.)

In an interview with the Journal on Tuesday evening, Trump denied writing the letter or drawing the picture. “This is not me. This is a fake thing. It’s a fake Wall Street Journal story,” he said. “I never wrote a picture in my life. I don’t draw pictures of women,” he said. “It’s not my language. It’s not my words.” He told the Journal he was preparing to file a lawsuit if it published an article. “I’m gonna sue The Wall Street Journal just like I sued everyone else,” he said. ... Earlier this week, after the Journal sought comment from the president about the letter, Trump told reporters at the White House that he believed some Epstein files were “made up” by former Presidents Barack Obama and Joe Biden and former FBI Director James Comey.

Which, of course, makes perfect sense to the finely calibrated MAGA-mind. What the Journal describes is so grotesquely childish that it reads like something scrawled on a sixth grader’s Trapper Keeper rather than a note between a couple of high-society sleazoids. If it were any other politician, his flat denials would carry at least some credibility. Instead, it’s just another booth along the world’s tawdriest midway. The letter in question was part of an elaborate 50th-birthday book, a project put together by Epstein’s primary pim ... er ... recruiter Ghislaine Maxwell. Other entries came from various plutocrats, politicians, and other celebrity Friends of Jeffrey.

[Alan] Dershowitz’s letter included a mock-up of a “Vanity Unfair” magazine cover with mock headlines such as “Who was Jack the Ripper? Was it Jeffrey Epstein?” He joked that he had convinced the magazine to change the focus of an article from Epstein to Bill Clinton. Dershowitz, who represented Epstein after his first arrest, said, “It’s been a long time and I don’t recall the content of what I may have written.”

The calliope music in my head is getting louder by the hour. Nobody comes out of this clean. Nobody walks away without clown shoes.