Psychology: These roles can shape children of narcissistic parents throughout their lives
Those raised by narcissistic parents often feel the effects of this upbringing throughout their lives. Psychologist Dr. Mark Travers explains the three roles such children most often take on – and which they often find difficult to shake off even as adults.
How our parents view and treat us as children has a profound impact on our self-esteem and development. A parent with narcissistic personality disorder often fails to meet their child's basic emotional needs or ensure that they feel seen and accepted.
"Narcissistic parents are typically more focused on how they appear and receive admiration, and have little capacity to care for their children the way healthy parents would," explains psychologist Dr. Mark Travers on "Psychology Today." "They are often emotionally needy and constantly seek validation from those around them, including their children."
Growing up in such an environment takes a heavy psychological toll on children. According to the expert, these include a lack of ability to set boundaries, fear of commitment, and fear of abandonment. Based on a psychological study , Dr. Travers explains the three roles that children raised by narcissistic parents often cannot shake off, even as adults.
3 typical roles of children of narcissistic parents 1. The "golden child"The psychologist explains that in families with narcissistic parents, one child is often favored. The offspring who most strongly promotes the parents' self-image is then seen as the "golden child." "Thus, the 'golden child' is often praised and presented as the 'best' sibling, but the love remains deeply conditional." This child must constantly adapt, perform, and never question the parents' authority.
"The 'golden child' reflects the parents' idealized self-image—often at the expense of their own emotional development," Travers continues. This child embodies everything the narcissistic parent wants to present to the world: success, charm, or intelligence.
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"These children appear superficially confident, but often struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, impostor syndrome, or difficulties developing an authentic identity," says the psychologist. "Their self-esteem is strongly tied to external validation, so they orient themselves according to the expectations of others."
2. The scapegoat"The 'scapegoat' is the child who takes on all the negative things the 'golden child' doesn't take on," explains Mark Travers. The scapegoat is the constant target of blame, criticism, and emotional projection—especially if they don't conform to the family's standards.
"In fact, the scapegoat is often the most emotionally aware and most resistant to manipulation," the psychologist explains. "Therefore, they pose a threat to the dysfunctional family system. They are often punished or silenced for talking back or defending a sibling."
Being criticized or considered a disappointment is part of the scapegoat's everyday life, even when they're successful. According to Dr. Travers, narcissistic parents rarely acknowledge or appreciate their achievements. This can lead to mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety disorders.
3. The "invisible child"The "invisible child" is often emotionally neglected and forgotten in the family dynamic. Similar to the scapegoat, the "invisible child" may struggle with anxiety and depression, but more often as a result of neglect than outright attacks.
"This child is neither praised nor reprimanded, but simply overlooked and grows up without much emotional attention." They often appear introverted and quiet, but in reality, they are deeply alienated from their sense of self. "They often remain so inconspicuous that they later become extremely independent because they have learned that no one cares about their needs."
According to Mark Travers, the "invisible child" also often has difficulty with emotional intimacy, making healthy decisions, and assertiveness later in life. "They constantly brood, want to please everyone and create peace, but remain emotionally unavailable deep down." Despite their lack of self-esteem, these children are extremely sensitive to any form of criticism or rejection. "Due to the emotional neglect, they often internalize the belief that their thoughts and feelings are worthless."
Do you recognize yourself in one of these patterns? It's important to understand that you are not alone. You can seek help from a doctor or therapist to talk about your thoughts and feelings and work on these patterns.
mbl Brigitte
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