Trump’s Wacko Team of Attorneys Will Try to Prove D.C. Officials Faked Crime Data

The president’s solution to a bad drive on the golf course is to have his caddy drop a ball in a more favorable position and play it from there. His administration’s solution to a bad jobs report was to fire the person who compiled it and replace that person with a Heritage-approved pen-wiper who will deliver the numbers that conform to the president’s amyloid-addled estimates.

So, when confronted with the absolute fact that violent crime in Washington was at a 30-year low when Trump took office again—and with constant hammering of that fact in the national media until it finally seemed to sink in—what is the solution? Rethink the policy? Admit your mistake? Send all the masked and armed thugs roaming the streets home so they don’t miss All-U-Can-Eat Lard Night at Buck and Pissant’s? Oh, you silly geese. Where have you been living these past 10 years? From The Washington Post:

The launch of the criminal investigation—run out of the federal prosecutor’s office in D.C.—escalates the tense relationship between the Trump administration and local D.C. officials, who have repeatedly cited steep drops in violent crime to question the federal takeover of law enforcement in the nation’s capital. “D.C. gave Fake Crime numbers in order to create a false illusion of safety,” President Donald Trump wrote in confirming the existence of the probe on social media Monday night. “This is a very bad and dangerous thing to do, and they are under serious investigation for so doing!” Trump continued. “Until 4 days ago, Washington, D.C., was the most unsafe ‘city’ in the United States, and perhaps the World. Now, in just a short period of time, it is perhaps the safest, and getting better every single hour!”

This particularly dangerous episode of presidential perseveration will be handled by the lawyer for the January 6 insurrectionists and the administration’s Ratfcker Without Portfolio. And by U.S. Attorney G.I. Luvmerlot, at the direction of an Attorney General on whose watch Jeffrey Epstein ran wild in Florida, and who buried the fraud case against Trump University. I’m sold.

D.C. Mayor Muriel E. Bowser and local officials have touted a drop in violent crime after a prolonged spike during and after the pandemic. According to local police data, violent crime is down 27 percent over this time last year, with homicides down 11 percent. “We are not experiencing a spike in crime,” Bowser said on MSNBC this month. “In fact, we’re watching our crime numbers go down.” But Trump and federal officials have said that D.C. crime is at an all-time high and the federal takeover of the police force is needed to make the city safer. D.C. Police Union Chairman Gregg Pemberton, who has publicly said he supports the federal takeover of the local police force, said he doubts that crime is as low as the mayor has touted.

“There’s a, potentially, a drop from where we were in 2023,” Pemberton said on NBC4. “I think that there’s a possibility that crime has come down. But the department is reporting that in 2024, crime went down 35 percent—violent crime—and another 25 percent through August of this year. That is preposterous. … We’re out on the street. We know the calls we’re responding to.”

By the way, if police unions aren’t the biggest blight on local law enforcement, I’ll eat JD Vance’s eyeliner. I still don’t think D.C. is as dangerous these days as Khartoum, Kviv, Gaza City, or St. Louis. That’s in Missouri, by the way.