Sex. Can age difference impact a couple's sexuality?

Within a couple, a significant age gap can potentially impact several aspects of daily life, including sex. "Of course, there are no hard and fast rules," clarifies Emma Puech-Hélin, a sexologist and pharmacist (Paris). She first highlights "potential differences in the perception of sexuality."

An illustration, through a person who discovered sexuality in the 90s: "she did not evolve with the same norms as another who explored it in the 2000s-2010s," she explains, which can be a source of "discrepancies on subjects such as the use of condoms."

And to add, similarly, "within a couple in which the man is about twenty years older than his partner, the subject of consent can be viewed differently: he may not have the same reflexes to obtain it, or leave space to discuss it."

A story of language…

These potential differences can "create uncomfortable situations and communication problems that can impact the couple's well-being," continues Emma Puech-Hélin. And for this expert, this can create "the feeling of making love with someone who doesn't share the same codes or the same language."

In terms of practices, she also refers to evolving cultural representations. For example, BDSM: "Previously, it was often stigmatized. Whereas today, it is less so and tends to be more accessible in the erotic imagination of younger people." The same is true for "non-penetrative sexuality." According to the sexologist, "sexuality is like a language that evolves and acquires new words over time. We need to understand them."

Finally, the age difference can lead to potential physical limitations for the older partner. These may include joint problems, erectile dysfunction, lubrication issues, or even menopause.

“These topics relate to the notion of performance,” she added. It revolves around the question: “Will I be up to the task?” And once again, there’s the risk of disrupting the relationship through anxiety and rather negative emotions.

Let's talk about it!

Unsurprisingly, the key to fulfillment lies in dialogue. "It's important to create a space for communication where each person can express their expectations, doubts, and questions to the other," reminds Emma Puech-Hélin. "Let's not forget that sexuality is constantly evolving and involves both partners."