Psychology. Should parents systematically let their child win or teach them to lose?

Whether you play Whether you're playing Trivial Pursuit or Uno, or even a quick game of soccer, your child tends to sulk or even throw tantrums when they lose. This is completely natural. Letting them win every time isn't the right solution, however.

Learning to lose, an essential learning experience

“It is important to learn to lose, because defeat is part of life,” notes Katell Duclos-Le Saoût, a psychotherapist. Children will experience this often: in front of their friends, in a sports competition, or even later in school or work. Allowing them to have this experience, in a caring environment, gives them the tools to better face reality.

By systematically letting the child win, we risk placing him in a position of omnipotence. He could develop a false image of himself, believing that he is unbeatable.

A question of self-esteem

That said, it can be useful to let him win in certain circumstances. "It all depends on the parent's intention," explains Katell Duclos-Le Saoût.

"If you choose to let your child win occasionally, because they are going through a difficult time or need a little emotional boost, it can help them regain their self-confidence." But it's a one-off, kind gesture that meets a specific need. And it shouldn't become a habit.

Some parents categorically refuse to let their child win. If this is the case for you, you can sometimes opt for a game that naturally offers your child a real chance of winning. This is the case with games like Memory, where memory can give a young child an advantage, allowing you to restore a certain balance without having to cheat.

Collaborative games and parental example

It's also possible to offer collaborative games, in which you win or lose together. These games strengthen the parent-child bond and allow you to learn other skills: cooperation, frustration management, and communication.

In any case, "The most important thing is to emphasize the fun of the game," the therapist reminds us. Winning or losing becomes secondary if you're having a good time together. You can also highlight the child's qualities during the game: "You were very patient," "You focused well," "You followed the rules." These words of encouragement reinforce self-esteem without associating it solely with winning.

And above all, as an adult, it's essential to set an example: be a good loser, don't make fun of people, accept defeat with humor. Because ultimately, playing with your child also means teaching them how to live with the ups and downs, while instilling in them the values of respect, fair play, and perseverance.