Psychology: Why we like to gossip so much – and why it's even good for us

We all do it, some more often, others less often. And at the same time, we all somehow condemn it – gossiping. Sometimes we gossip about someone out of revenge, sometimes to feel better about ourselves or because we're insecure. But gossiping doesn't always mean we're behaving badly or are even bad people. Science agrees that talking about others also fulfills certain functions in social groups. In most cases, it even has an important effect: We feel a strong connection to the person we're gossiping with.

In his book "Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language," British psychologist and anthropologist Robin Dunbar explains how important gossip is for social groups. It strengthens bonds and even helped our ancestors survive. Through this social connection, they were able to obtain important and necessary information. Gossiping is thus networking par excellence.

Gossiping was so important for the development of our language

In addition to the aspect of social bonding, gossiping had another evolutionary effect – it drove language development. This is how our ancestors developed and expanded their vocabulary – Robin Dunbar even sees it as the origin of language. In fact, Stone Age humans are said to have replaced the grooming of their ancestors, the chimpanzees, with gossiping. The apes used mutual plucking of each other's fur for social bonding and relationship building. However, because the first wandering humans traveled in groups too large for this, and this "grooming" was not an option, Dunbar says they began talking instead, even about others, to strengthen their sense of togetherness.

Science has long been concerned with the topic of gossip. For example, the University of California, Berkeley, conducted a meta-analysis of five studies – with fascinating results. Women are often accused of being the biggest gossips. Yet, according to the researchers, men gossip just as much. Younger people participate in spreading rumors more often than older people, and – not surprisingly – extroverts are more active in gossiping than introverts.

Social Glue: Why We Like to Gossip

In another study, Dr. Stacy Torres, also for the University of California, followed older people in New York for five years. The psychologist found that gossiping serves as a remedy for loneliness among seniors, especially those living alone.

Instead of joining organizations like the church, people prefer to stay in their neighborhood groups. Gossiping helps them connect with others and build connections. Often, gossiping is simply an attempt to start a conversation with another person and build closeness. It may not always be the noblest thing to do, but it is a deeply human behavior.

Why it’s okay to gossip – sometimes

Both studies make it clear: Most people gossip at some point in their lives, and it serves important social purposes. So why does gossiping have such a bad reputation? Probably because we still associate it with aggression. Often, when we gossip about a person or a group, we vent our anger—and things can quickly become nasty.

But ultimately, that's precisely the advantage: Because instead of venting that anger with physical violence in the worst-case scenario, it evaporates when we discuss the issue with a good friend or colleague. And afterward, we might not find the whole thing so bad after all, and be a bit more conciliatory toward the person the next time we meet. That's better than bottling up our anger and then hurling it at the other person with full force—whether physically or verbally. It's better to vent properly in a safe space beforehand and then move on from the topic. And: We also feel closer to the person we were gossiping with.

Nevertheless, it doesn't hurt to examine your own gossiping behavior and examine how much you talk about others, in what way, and, above all, why. As with so many things in life, the dose makes the poison. Anyone who constantly gossips should honestly ask themselves whether they're just trying to make themselves feel better. In moderation, however, the benefits clearly outweigh the disadvantages: Gossiping helps us build social bonds, is an important tool for maintaining relationships—and, from an evolutionary perspective, is also important for the further development of our language!

mbl Brigitte

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