Closeness versus distance: Why I sometimes need distance from those I love most

I like creating memories with loved ones. Be it an action-packed trip or an evening in front of the TV. But at the same time, sometimes I feel like I don't want to see them. My guilty conscience immediately comes to the fore: shouldn't I always be happy when a friend gives me her time? I do, but there are important limits.

2 moments in which I need distance from my fellow human beings 1. I feel exhausted and need time for myself

There are 24 hours in a day, most of which are already taken up with work and sleeping. Then there's the housework, cooking, appointments, a hobby, a pet. The result: my energy level is exhausted over the course of the day. There's hardly any time to relax. And when I do have some time in the evening, the question automatically pops into my head: am I allowed to enjoy this time alone or shouldn't I use it more sensibly? For example, meet up with a friend?

I don't have to, because this is exactly the time that is important for me: "Introverts draw their energy from being alone and find being with other people exhausting," explains coach Ashley Janssen on her online blog. Sometimes the reason why we need distance from those close to us is quite simple: we are exhausted and need time to recharge our energy. Conscious me-time is important, especially as an introvert. However, it is also essential to find the right balance. On the psychology blog "HelloBetter", experts explain that an increased need for rest can also lead to people withdrawing more and more and becoming involuntarily lonely. Therefore, "regular interaction with others is just as important as being alone."

2. I allow myself to be influenced too much

If we spend a lot of time with other people, we allow ourselves to be influenced by them - consciously or unconsciously. We may unconsciously adopt the same views. Or we let the other person actively help us decide about our lives: If I want to try out a new hobby, for example, I would first ask a friend whether it suits me, instead of just following my gut feeling. Why do I trust her more than myself? I know myself better than anyone else.

I notice how I adapt to the people around me, especially when they are important to me. Sometimes I even put them above myself and my personal development. The right level of closeness and distance is particularly important for them, says psychologist Robert Eckert to t-online: "If this is not achieved sufficiently, it can be detrimental to either the relationship or the personal development and satisfaction of the individual." Personal growth also requires freedom.

Communication is key

As much as I enjoy spending time with my loved ones, it is important for me to set boundaries in these two situations. But how? The experts at "Hello Better" advise: clearly communicate the need for rest from the first-person perspective. And once I have recharged my energy, I should consciously approach my friends and plan a meeting with them.

Brigitte

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